Wednesday, April 20

Daddy's Poem

I can't stop crying. Why do I come across things like these?

Her hair was up in a pony tail,
her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school
eager to tell them all.. 
About a dad she never sees
A dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats

One by one the teacher called
a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.

Each of them was searching,
a man who wasn't there.
"Where's her daddy at?"
she heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her,
as she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.

And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique-
"My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
since this is such a special day.

And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories
he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.
"Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
he'll forever be in my heart"

With that, her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads, her
mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down, staring
straight into the crowd.

She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.
"I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
but heaven's just too far.

You see he was a policeman
and died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers
and taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away."

And then she closed her eyes,
and saw him there that day.
And to her mothers amazement,
she witnessed with surprise. A room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
they saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy,"
to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers, of those once
filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the
love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never
too far.

- Cheryl Costello-Forshey

If you have parents. FUCKING Love Them. You don't know how incomplete it feels, how just their name can stab in your heart and crush it into a million piece. How one little unheard story of theirs can make your throat burn with a strong desire to dig the graves and for once, look whats beneath and try to bring the skeleton back to life. That doesn't happen. I wish it did. Running away from the place doesn't help either.

Friday, April 15

It's so quiet

Sometimes its good to look out through a window at night or maybe take a stroll. Night time has always amused me. Stories say that this time of the day is for the unseen things that exist with you. That's why the dogs howl, trees whisper and the birds hide in their nests

How could God save a time, as lovely as after midnight for the spirits? He could've given them the day, anyway the sun doesn't scare you and then we could have the night all to ourselves. Playing, Dancing, Singing all under moon light.

Thinking about it gives me chills and how the light warmth from the moon feels like a blanket around me. If we had this time to us, if we could sleep during the day- I wonder how different our lives would've been?

Or maybe I'm reading too much of Dark Novels. HaHa

Until Night Beckons,
/bye Currie

Sunday, April 10

A Picture is worth a Thousand Words. NOT, Especially if they're Mine.

It's been a while since I've been blamed for a number of things concerning my pictures. I tried to smile at them, telling people that it's just a captured moment, maybe it was a lucky one for me and saying other stupid things to lowball myself to suit the esteem of others.

I've become so confused now, I hardly know what to believe. A picture, my mirror or just find my reflection in words of other people of how they see me.

A picture could lie- smart photographers have discovered 'angles'
A mirror could lie - a part of my head must've created an illusion of me to how i see, maybe I would self adjust or the mirror could be the Convex type

The only thing I'm left to believe is the words of others because my other two options are possible liars.

I have really succumbed to this. "Gosh, you're looking so good! so different! so unlike you!" and various derivatives of the same sentence that I'm afraid of meeting new people I first find online and my beginning statements to them begin with "haha.. my dp is deciving! :P :P" the end teasers and the haha start is what I add so that my words appear light and silly unlike my true feelings of despair and half-heartedness.

I'm sorry I look different in pictures but honestly, it's unintentional. I've never tried to hide who I am, I've hardly ever edited- they're just straight from the folder (apart 4m the CID one and a few other obvious ones, you can make out) but never otherwise.

I don't know if that's a good thing or bad but it's definitely acting up on my disadvantage list. My pictures coming out different than I am, or as I am said.

I'm sorry I don't mean to fool you. It's just.. I promise I hate it too, whatever the stupid phenomenon is. I'll try to make it go away.

A Picture is worth a thousand words, they say. Mine are worth a thousand screams and my attempts to look as much myself as I can which means showing off ugly as if she's worth the princess' crown. And I actually do that but still I don't get said that's how I am.

I'm lost in the tunnel that has light at the other end. Running towards the light has only made it go farther. I'm 19, so grown up; so childish still I don't know what I look like.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall, are you true? Or you lie to them all?