Wednesday, October 5

Steps To Kill A Bastard

While I write this, I am at peace. They say imagination is stronger than reality, well I'm not complaining. At this moment if you're angry and the picture of the person you're angry at is clear in your head - you are going to enjoy this.

Everyone has a bastard in their life. I have a few in mine too. However a new bastard has been discovered and if given the chance, I will do everything to get revenge. In my defense, I'm a Scorpion. We strike to kill :)

1) If Bastard is too strong for your jargon, you may replace it with Son-of-a-Bitch.
2) I am sorry, this does not apply for bitches. However, if a bitch surfaces in my life - there shall be another post!


1) Hairography

Go for the hair. 

Step 1: Grab a handful and shake that head with all your anger.
Step 2 (a) : Shake till they get dizzy and throw them down, begin kicking. You may require a couple more people to achieve success at this
Step 2 (b): Shake till they get dizzy and start fist punching in the face. If you are a girl, you may slap and add kicks in the stomach

2) S-I-N-G

Human Anatomy lesson :P

How about we let Sandra Bullock explain this one? :) (click here) S-I-N-G

3) The Neck Wringing

I'd like to try this. Looks cool in the movies!

Step 1: Cup your hands around the neck and apply pressure on the thumb (If the guy has a prominent Adam's apple, you may press that).
Step 2: Bring in the strength on your pinkie fingers and dig the other fingers in slightly
Step 3: Snap the neck, like you're opening a tough jar.

4) The Collar

If the bastard is not wearing a shirt, try other options

Step 1: Grab the collar and shake them till dizzy
Step 2: Give a punch in the face till Nosebleed and throw on the ground
Step 3: Call for reinforcements. You may require 3-4 angry people for this

5) The TearGas

Requirements: A deo or any other pressured can

Step 1: Spray the entire can in the eye of the said bastard
Step 2: When the can has emptied hit with it till Nosebleed
Step 3: Round up with kicking in the stomach with your knee
Step 4: Leave them to die

6) The Back&Forth

Requirement: A bat
Reinforcement: May require one more person

Step 1: Hug the bastard from one side and scream in their ears
Step 2(a): Grab a bat and hit on butt on 10 times. Repeat set if the bastard doesn't cry
Step 2(b): With the reinforcement, hit on the back and the front till the bastard cries. If the crying starts in 5 or 6 blows, don't stop - finish what was started

7) The Calf kick

Requirement: Practice Step 1

Step 1: Kick the bastard in the calf with your heel
Step 2: When they've lost balance, trip them and let them fall on the ground
Step 3: Hurl down with the pointed elbow and push it in the stomach
Step 4: Start kicking till the bastard cries

8) The Runway

Requirement: A jeep or any monster 4 wheeler

Watch This for Reference: | 7:40 |

Step 1: Run them over
Step 2: Multiple times

That's it for now :) I hope you enjoyed this post and you killed your bastard 8 times. And don't worry about them coming back, there are only 7 rebirths, you have the upper hand ;) 

Let me know if you have your ways to kill a bastard. This post does not mind growing.

Till I think of another cool post to write,

currie /bye